Have you heard? There's a Culture War a-brewing and we need all hands (and paws!) on-deck to fight for the future of this great world we call Earth. Below we'll cover the top things your dog will need in order to wage war effectively and ensure their kids learn the right history and values.
I believed that children were the future. But they had their chance. Now it’s your dog’s turn.
Pick a starting faction. Be sure your dog picks the right one.
Despite the popular narrative to the contrary, class and breed are largely determined by birth. Re-rolling your dog's gender is possible but may impact standing depending on the faction they chose in step 1.
Have your dog pick a specialization. "Social Media Amplifier" is an easy one to start with as it only requires a home computer and 56k modem.
Get informed. Be sure your dog has a position on Hillary Clinton, the shape of the Earth, and which is the correct way to cut a sandwich. Watch TikTok and YouTube for the latest in-group lingo and best opinions from your dog's faction's thought-leaders.
Neutrality is a no-go and the independent faction doesn't exist. If your dog wants to create satirical content and participate in the meta narrative the will require additional training.
Publicly calling someone out on social media for expressing an opinion is a great way to earn clout. Clout can be redeemed at the end of the war for fabulous prizes.
Don't let your dog engage with the other faction's media.
If another dog tries to take their stick ask them why they're avoiding the questions and won't agree to a debate.
Now your dog is ready for the frontline of the culture war. Let's get out there and win this thing!